Preppers or Homesteading

I sometimes feel like God leads me to develop an interest in things for a reason. Years ago I use to refuse to go camping and then in 2011 my friend Misty encouraged me to go on a camping trip. Since then I have been hooked. I have come leaps and bounds from the first camping trip. I am now engaged, soon to be married in 18 days, and my fiance and I have camped together on several trips and will also be camping on our honeymoon. We have found many tips and tricks we have tried to enhance our camping experiences. Most of the ideas I have found have been on pinterest. While surfing pinterest I have ran across other things created or pinned by "preppers" and "homesteaders". I'm not a believer in the zombie Apocalypse, but I have to say some of their tricks, tips and techniques do interest me. I've always been sort of a "susie homemaker" anyway by cooking and baking "from scratch", sewing, quilting, crafting and etc. My low budget has kind of enforced that type of quality in me. You know that saying, "necessity is the mother of invention". So seeing these pins are peaking my interest. It's touching every aspect of my "susie homemaker" side. I wanna know how to open a can without a can opener, how to cure a ham, how to grown a garden and not lawn, how to make a solar oven, how to cook on a rocket stove in a dutch oven. My interest in these things may be promptings from the Lord because I will need this knowledge for the future, out of necessity. Necessity for a national disaster? Necessity for Storm Preparations. I don't know what the leading is about, but while I can I plan to learn as much as possible.

Though I walked....

One morning in December of 2012 I was in the lab at work cleaning the dirty instruments and a verse popped into my mind. It's one of my favorites. I felt as if the Lord placed it on my heart for a reason, but the reason I thought was to comfort my sister-in-law who was the receptionist in the same office. 

You see our employer was, well to put it mildly, crazy! It was always an eggshell walk with her, you never knew what mood she would be in, only thing you could count on was how many times her moods would shift. With that said she and my sister-in-law had come face to face on several occasions about different issues. Basically my sister-in-law would defend herself. On this particular day we knew she was going to meet with her 3 employees face to face and because of her history of trying to tear down my sister-in-law we all thought for sure Rachel would get fired. So when the verse came to me I ran to tell Rachel and hopefully it would comfort her before her meeting. 

As the day went on the time came for our meetings. Rachel came out of the meeting, emotional but her job still intact. I was surprised, now it was my turn. I had no idea before going in what would happen, other than I was not going to allow her to continue to lie and try to manipulate the situation. Before I continue with what transpired, let me remind you that I, was at the time, a single income mom with two children and a car payment on top of the usual bills. Oh and did I mention it was two weeks before Christmas! I go in sit down and of course. I'm the type of person to stand my ground and having dealt with emotional roller coaster type people I could tell where this meeting was going to end up, with me getting fired. Now what was so amazing through all of this is that even knowing my financial situation I wasn't scared, I knew I had to stand on what was right. I knew God would provide. I was actually calm, I think I was more calm than my sister-in-law was when she heard the news.  Granted I did have a little "freak out" session when the shock wore off, but I'm telling you God was with me in that meeting comforting me. Encouraging me it was going to be ok.

Oh and for the verse that was placed in my mind that morning...

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.  He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.  He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.  Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.  Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.  Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. Pslam 23"

 Within the week of my termination, my previous employer Laura contacted me via Facebook and asked if I was interested in working one day a week. I was ecstatic! I loved that job and had always regretted leaving. Yea, so originally it started out being one day a week, but quickly turned into 3, but only temporarily until April. I was determined to stick it out and have faith that the temporary would become permanent. Sure enough it has!
And might I add, not once did I have to borrow money from family or friends, and my car was paid off a few weeks ago.
What looked like a destitute situation, God turned around for good. What was meant for evil, God turned around for my blessings.

 

I'm no Job; but blessings I have received

Coming up this weekend is the 2 year marker of my divorce. It's also another much more important marker to one of the biggest blessings I've received; the 1 year anniversary to my one and only true love.

So last night as I reflecting upon this during my prayers, I felt the Lord place on my heart to write this blog. It was almost 12 am and of course I argued to get out of bed since I had to work this morning. I couldn't fall asleep until after 1 am, guess I should have listened to his prompting. I probably could have gotten 45 mins more of sleep if I had.

So let me go back to 2010.
After 14 years in a miserable, emotionally and mentally abusive marriage. I had reached my breaking point and was DONE. I had given him opportunity during the last few months I was in the same home to redeem himself and show change, he did, but instead of towards the positive it only worsened then with the threat of physical abuse. Needless to say since it was escalating I escaped and filed a FPO for my safety  This started the long and painful divorce process.
The divorce process was probably more painful than most because during the process my integrity as a mother was slandered and my small business was built up to be something it wasn't to benefit him as if I had more valuables than he did. The lies that were told were unbelievable. I knew him to be a liar, but as badly and to the extreme as he was doing it just totally baffled me. I knew his motive for doing these things were to gain full or partial custody, but not because he was this loving father it was based on the fact that he didn't want to pay child support. I could go on for an eternity with all the wrongs he had done against me and basically, it seemed, he got away with all of these wrongs because he had spent more money on an attorney than I had. I pretty much was in the battle for myself. I was trying to stand in faith that vengeance was the Lords; on my behalf. I was expecting immediate vindication. In the end of the divorce I was striped of almost everything. Let's put it this way I walked away from that marriage with less belongings than I did when I entered the marriage.  And to top it off, he got more than visitation he was granted joint custody. So while going through this process I compared myself to Job, but like I said before I was expecting immediate vindication so when that didn't happen I started to become bitter towards God. The icing on the cake were my "fellow brothers and sisters in Christ" turning their noses up and judging me for the divorce. I basically turned my back on God because I was mad and thought he had forsaken me.
I won't go into all the details of my seeking forgiveness from Him and myself for my actions but I will say this.
Even though I thought He had turned his back on me he hadn't. And even though I had lost all my worldy possessions he blessed me with more and better than I had before. The support of friends and family was priceless. In the midst of my trials I learned how to stand on my own two feet supporting my children and even had the blessing of taking them on a vacation to Myrtle Beach. Something as a single mom I wasn't sure I'd get the opportunity to do.
Now fast forward to 2012. I was reunited with my one and only true love from 20 years prior and for all those years we never had any contact, I wasn't even sure he lived in the same state anymore. Like me he had went through and ugly divorce. Both he and I had carried feelings for one another over the years that time did not diminish. So with that we have been a couple since and we are planning to get married this April.

So even though I was being put through the fire and I turned my back for a minute, God was still faithful, merciful and loved and blessed me.
He blessed me with support of family and friends and reunited me with my true love. And that is PRICELESS.
And as far as vindication I see that too. It didn't happen instant, but it's happening and still is.

Scream

Once again filled with dread
while I slept you came back from the dead.

You came back again but this time worse
Only to die again from the death curse.

Time consumed by saying goodbye
waiting and watching as you die.

No good thoughts once again in this dream
only a nightmare to awaken from and scream.

Haunted

Haunted by dreams of your death
Watching you as you take your last breath

The surroundings are different but the ending is not.
Tortured by the things I could've done differently or things I forgot.

Haunted in my sleep of what I cannot change.
Awakened and feeling very strange.

Why is it so very fresh after I dream?
Why is it always the same theme?

Why can't I dream about the good days we shared
Your jokes, our talks and our relationship that had been repaired.

Scenes in my mind haunt me through out
Missing you and carrying my life on without.

Haunted, Haunted, Haunted I say
Haunted of missing you on my birthday.

A Dream Last Night

Dedicated to my loving father Jim Zimmerman
who lost his battle with pancreatic cancer October 19th, 2007

I had a dream last night
And at first it didn't feel right
But then I thought what the heck
Gave you a kiss on the check and a hug on the neck

The dream ended on that part
But all day long it tugged on my heart
'Cuz when I awoke I remembered you are not here
And how I treasure you oh so dear

Cancer may have stolen you away
And how I think about you every day
About our quiet talks and the laughs we shared
The stories you told and showing me that you cared


You fought a good fight so strong and so brave
But in the end your angel came & gave us a wave
Your angel confirmed what we already knew
That you were going to Heaven beyond the skies of blue

I know you are waiting for us up there
And maybe even with a head full of hair ;-)
I bet you're telling Him your corny jokes & great stories,
About the love of your grandchildren, all your free from your worries

And even though I know you are in a better place
It's hard knowing I can't call you on the phone or give you a kiss on the face
It was only a dream that I had last night
But one that I will treasure so tight
©2007 Melissa A Zimmerman

Pancreatic Cancer Story

Pancreatic cancer is something that I’d never really knew much about until this past year.

On August 22nd, 2005 my father was admitted to the Veteran’s hospital for severe stomach pain, vomiting, and yellowish skin. They ran test after test and of course determined he had jaundice. Of course just about anyone could have diagnosed that as he could be seen walking down the hall “glowing” without any lights on. The hard part was trying to figure out “why” he had jaundice. Jaundice can develop in those who are heavy drinkers. My dad is not a drinker. I have only seen him have 2 drinks in my entire life. Once he had a rum & coke at a wedding reception and the other time he had drank a beer during a Holiday gathering. Needless to say the jaundice had not come from drinking. So what then? They then thought maybe he had developed one of the hepatitis’ from eating under cooked seafood while on their vacation to the outer banks. Ah Ha! That must be it. It was perfect. The time frame, the seafood, the possible restaurant it could’ve came from.
Nope, it wasn’t that. So now we are on the path of the pancreas or blockage of the common bile duct leading to the pancreas.
During the course of this diagnosis and a couple of stints later, it was determined dad needed to be transferred to another hospital 3 hours away that focused on this type of illness or should I say the short-term remedy to this type of illness. The whipple procedure. The whipple procedure is where part of the pancreas is removed. But why is the pancreas and common bile duct being naughty? CANCER! That dreaded word.

Sometimes the internet and all it’s information can be a bad thing, because now after my research of this kind of cancer I have learned that the prognosis is not so peachy.

With that said, dad was admitted to have the whipple procedure 3 days before Christmas. It was a little disheartening knowing that our “normal” Christmas was going to be interrupted to say the least, but it was reassuring knowing that dad might have a chance to be relieved of his agonizing pain. I mean what was more important? Dad suffering through our little family traditions or having a chance to be relieved of his suffering.

Now a little bit of good news. But first some worrisome tidbits about the surgery. Dad was 3 hours away having his surgery so I was only being updated via email and cell phone calls from my stepmother, whenever she could. The surgery was only supposed to be 8 hours (I think), but it lasted way longer. They ended up taking another 3 or so hours.
When he came out of surgery the doctors had informed my step-mother that they had to remove more of his pancreas than first thought. Good news they didn’t have to remove any of his stomach, which they though they may. More good news usually with this type of surgery the length of hospital stay is 12-16 days. Dad was released in 6.

Fast forward a little. Now it’s time to consider chemo treatments. Which he accepts. Currently we are on the 5th week of the 7 week treatments of chemo. The first week was rough on him. Now they have his nausea meds where they should be and he’s doing better with that. His pain before the surgery had disappeared and the only pain he had after surgery was directly related to the surgery itself.  Today he had said he was having some of that old pain, the pre-surgery pain. I’m just hoping and praying that it’s not metastasized or coming back. That would not be good especially if it has done so during the middle of his chemo treatments.


I’m going to end the fact based part of this journey with this.

God knows his last day. I know what I’ve read on the web about the prognosis. But God is the author of life, he knows every hair on our heads. Dad will go home when God calls him. My only prayer is that regardless of when that day may come, whether it’s today or 10 years from now, that dad will not suffer the rest of his days with nausea, fatigue and pain.

He’s never been sick in his life. He’s always been an active guy.





Just so you can “see” who he is. This is a picture taken during his birthday party 2 years ago. He had been given a piñata full of goodies and he’s holding his stash.